Snape's Secret
by slythrn-barnbum
Summary: Snape has a secret, and Harry and Ron are determined to discover it. They badger Hermione and search for the truth. A new century songfic based off of Tom Waits's What's He Building in There?.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are from JK Rowling's wonderful mind while some of the dialogue and the plot's outline belong to Tom Waits. No copyright infringement or anything, so leave a poor ff writer be!

Author's Forward: I called this a new century songfic because unlike many songfics, I didn't take a stanza and fit it into the story, but I made a story surrounding the song, which was used as the dialogue for the characters rather than just the outline for the fic. It's very...different...so give it a chance, please. Enjoy!

Snape's Secret:

"What's he building in there?" Harry asked Ron as they stood outside Snape's house, watching. "What the hell is he building in there?"

"No clue, mate. Hope Hermione can find out, though."

"She says he has subscriptions to those magazines." A pop was heard in the distance as Hermione apparated behind them. "What are you two doing? Come back to Headquarters this instant!"

"What kind of magazine subscriptions does he have, Hermione," Harry asked immediately. Hermione didn't need to ask who 'he' was. "Potions and Teaching. Why?"

"How do you know, Hermione?" Ron asked suddenly.

"I collect his mail to keep this place secret from nosy prats like you two. Now leave!"

"What? Your boyfriend too great to live in Headquarters?"

"Harry, you know how he feels about living in Sirius's old home. And what would we do if a Death Eater wanted to be entertained by him? Or worse, the Dark Lord? Would we invite them in for tea and biscuits?" She looked at the boys and put her foot down. "Now that's enough of this. We've got a meeting-"

"He never waves when he goes by," Ron countered to her outburst.

"That's just Severus," she countered back, still keeping her voice low. "He's not very social. And he hates you both to oblivion."

"Is he hiding something from the rest of us?"

"No, Harry! Ron, come on, Dumbledore said-"

"He's all to himself."

"He is not. He's got me."

"And I think I know why!" Ron nearly shouted at her. He had never gotten over the fact that when Hermione and him had ended their non-relationship that she had turned to Severus. The fact that they were making the relationship work just rubbed salt into the open wound.

"Oh, Ronald, enough. You're just still sore about the whole thing. Now this has gone on long enough. Dumbledore has called a meeting and requires you two-"

"Ron, quick, look!" Harry exclaimed, pointing to what appeared to be an old tire swing resting in the tall grasses beneath a tree in the yard of Severus's home. "He took down the tire swing from the Peppertree."

At this point, Hermione was getting furious. She knew perfectly well that nothing concerning Severus's home was a matter of theirs. Also, the Order of the Phoenix required the presence of the whole trio to hold the meeting, and they were becoming tired of waiting. She was sent to retrieve the other two and was going to do it, gods bless it! He was her lover, not theirs, and they were obsessing more than she was!

"Why, tell, would he need a tire swing when he has no children, you see," Ron pointed out. "He has no dog-"

"No friends-"

"And his lawn is dying."

Hermione grabbed them by their arms. "He doesn't like dogs, He has plenty of friends, even if you don't know them, and who gives a flying rat's ass about the bloody lawn?"

"What about all those packages he sends?" Harry said quietly to himself, ignoring his friend. "You handle his mail, Hermione. What about them?"

"I've already told you why I handle his mail. I was doing it before we even got together and now you two are being ridiculous. Now come on-"

But Harry was having none of it. "What's he building in there? Wait, Ron, look! Hanging on the stairs? What's with that hook light on the stairs, Hermione?"

"I don't know! Perhaps he needs the extra light-"

"Have you gone mad? Is he a wizard or not?" Ron nearly bellowed at her. "He can make the room brighter with a wave of his wand-"

"He hates foolish wand waving! And he's been trying to limit his magic recently. If you would actually attend a meeting or two, you would know that the Ministry is getting suspicious of him again-"

"What do you think he's building, Ron?" Harry asked, again ignoring the fuming female still holding his arm in a death grip.

"Well, I'll tell you one thing; he's not building a playhouse for the children."

Harry nodded, silently agreeing. Hermione gave their arms another pull. "Are you finished now? Everyone's still waiting for us to get back."

With a final pull, the boys apparated with Hermione to the Order's Headquarters.

Hermione walked from the doorway into the kitchen-converted meeting hall when she heard the outburst from Harry, "What's he building in there?"

She couldn't help it; a sigh escaped her lips, but it changed midway from frustration to pleasure as she felt some familiar arms wrap around her middle. She smiled and turned her face to receive the kiss from her lover. "Who's Potter ranting about now?"

Hermione grinned. "You, dear. He's just being nosy again. Nothing to worry about."

"Are we still on for tonight?"

"Definitely. I could use a good night out with you after today."

He leaned closer to her and whispered so quietly she wouldn't have known he talked if it wasn't for the warmth of his breath making hers go short. "What about a good night in?"

Hermione turned around in his arms and kissed him soundly. "Sounds lovely."

She kissed him again as he tightened his arms around her. They were interrupted, however, by someone clearing their throat near the door to the kitchen. They looked to Dumbledore questioningly.

"We're about to begin, if you could join us?" He asked, grinning, but trying to hide it...kinda. They followed him into the room and Severus sat down, pulling her down next to him in the only other empty chair. The meeting began and Hermione began to take down notes of the meeting's goings on. She had some problems concentrating that meeting, however, as a certain someone was distracting her with well-placed thoughts and images in her mind. Hermione couldn't wait for night to come.

Harry and Ron apparated to the same spot as before outside of Spinner's End. The word around the house from Tonks was that Hermione would be spending time with Severus that night. Quietly, they returned to the hiding spot and waited. They watched as the couple entered the house and lights turned on. About an hour later, the boys heard a rhythmic banging noise from the house. Harry stared at his friend in the darkness. "Now what's that sound from under the door?"

"He's pounding nails-"

"Into a hardwood floor," Harry finished, much like Fred and George would do in the same situation. "And I swear to god I just heard someone moaning low."

They turned back to stare at the house, now even more worried than ever before. Hermione was in there, and the only thoughts they came up with were not pleasant ones. "I keep seeing this blue light," Ron mentioned. "Like-"

"A TV show." Ignoring the questions about television from Ron, Harry reexamined the house. "He has router. See, there?" he asked, pointing it out for Ron. "And look there, a table saw!"

"Harry, you won't believe what Mr Sticha saw..."

A noise much closer to them cut Ron's tale short as they disapparated with a pop.

The moment Hermione stepped into the House the next morning, she was cornered by her two best friends. "Where were you all night, Hermione?"

"I had a date."

"You were with Snape," Harry told her bluntly.

"Yes, I was with Severus," Hermione answered. "Did you follow me?"

"We heard pounding," Ron said, ignoring her question. "Really loud and rhythmic, like hammering..."

Hermione blushed. She knew exactly what they were talking about and knowing full well what kind of 'hammering' had taken place last night, and that morning. Keeping her voice as even as she could, she replied, "He was with me and I have no idea about anything."

"Then there was this moaning," Ron put in again, noticing her blush deepen. She remembered that happening a few times as well...six, to be exact...

"And you won't believe what Mr Sticha saw-"

"The plumber? You interviewed the plumber?"

"There's poison underneath the sink-"

"Of course there is, Ron, it's a kitchen. There's some here at Grimmuald, too."

"There's enough formaldehyde to choke a horse."

"What's he building in there, Hermione? We saw the table saw!"

Hermione ignored their calls and left in a fury. Gathering the morning post, Hermione flooed away from the insanity to Spinner's End.

"Professor, what the hell is he building in there?" Harry asked Dumbledore again. "I heard he has an ex wife in some place called Mayor's Income, Tennessee-"

"They are rumors, Harry. The Order created them as a sort of protection for our spies. I believe Severus also used to have a consulting firm in Indonesia, but that didn't last long. Didn't suit his character-"

"But what's he building in there?"

"Don't worry about it, Harry. Now, would you care for a lemon drop? No, well, then I recommend that you worry about other things now. Go on," he said, dismissing them.

Hermione was cornered once again when she returned to Headquarters that night. "What's he building in there?"

"Harry, now you're really starting to obsess over this. That's enough. If you ask me again, I swear I'll get Ginny to cast her Bat-Bogey Hex on you. Now leave Severus alone."

She went to move from the room but was blocked by Ron.

"He has no friends!"

"We've been over this, Ronald. Ginny won't need convincing to hex you."

"But he get's a lot of mail-"

"Mostly dispatches for his spy work."

"I'll bet he spent a little time in jail," Harry said now that he had Ron's support again. "You know he did, Harry. Now that's enough of this. Let me pass."

"I heard he was on the roof last night, signaling with a flashlight."

"He couldn't have been because he was with me all last night."

At that moment, Severus walked into the room. He went straight to Hermione, whistling a tune, kissed her swiftly and continued into the kitchen. Hermione smiled at his relaxed manner and turned back to the stunned boys. They were sharing looks of shock, both clearly wondering what was going on. All throughout the day, Severus could be seen and heard whistling in Headquarters, the longest he had ever stayed in the house.

"What's that tune he's always whistling?" they demanded of her together. Hermione threw her arms in the air in frustration. " He's not building anything in the house! Learn to pay attention to your surroundings! Put two and two together!"

They watched her in confusion. Knowing she was covering up for him, they began to chase her down the hall. "What's he building in there?"

"What's he building in there?"

"We have a right to know!"

A/N: Alright, so? How was it? I know it's not my best, but it was short and easy to type up for everyone. I was on the plane when I got bored so I started writing and got this song stuck in my head. This piece isn't Beta-ed, so if there's any mistakes or if something doesn't make sense, let me know so I can fix it. It's late and I'm tired, so there could be a good amount. I apologise for that now.

A/N 2: Did you all figure it out? The twist I added was that Hermione and Sev got engaged and were celebrating the engagement with a lot of wild love making. Sev was building nothing- that was just Ron and Harry being stupid, again. Hope you liked it!


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